WHAT IF?????

Are you someone who has had a tragedy in your life and you can not get past the What ifs?  What if I would have done this, or what if I did not do that?  Last week I had a what if moment.  My niece Lauren got her drivers license in November and she is teaching my daughter to ride horses.  She wanted to take Janel to the stables Thursday and I thought that would be ok so I let her pick up Janel and Jentri from school, bring Jentri home and off they went to the stables.  That evening they where going to sign up for the Skiatook Round Up Club so Lauren asked if she could just take Janel there and I said no, bring her home.  Lauren drops Janel off and asks again if Janel can go. I almost said yes.  That little voice told me, not tonight, she had homework to do and it was already 7:00.  So, I said no.  30 minutes later, I get a phone call.  Lauren has been in a bad accident right down the road from us.  Wrecked her truck over a 20 foot bridge and landed upside down.  Oh my goodness, is she ok, what happened?  Surprisingly, Lauren was able to get out of the truck and climb up the embankement and her mother drove her to the ER.  Lauren had not one single broken bone and barely a scratch. (She was sore for a couple days)  But as soon as I was told about teh accident I kept thinking how janel was supposed to be in that vehicle with her.  It made me cry to think about that.  If she was there, we would most likely not have Janel here today.  Jason even got emotional over this.  I mean, that What If scenario would not leave my mind.  It had me pretty upset and thinking how could I ever not have my Janel?  Thank God for good friends that came and sat with me as everyone was at the hospital and for God.  I said a prayer for him to give me peace and I thanked him for the voice that I listened to.  We should all be concious of that little voice.  It has kept me out of trouble many a time.  And it is amazing how many times I do what I feel it is telling me and it ends up being the perfect thing to do. 
My other What If was in hgih school.  I was a senior in high school and I had my friends child with me in the back seat.  It was midnight and we where dricing home from looking at Christmas lights.  it was very late.  I was sleepy so I kept turning up the radio and slapping my face.  I ended up falling asleep at the wheel and when I woke up I was on the opposite side of traffic.  Thank God no one was coming the other way.  What id they where?  I stommped on the brakes and ended up doing a doughnut and in a ditch.  A friend lived close by and heard the screeching and ran down to see what was going on.  He ended up driving me home and on the way 3 deer ran in the road.  He had to put on the brakes and we ened up feet form a bridge. I was very scared and did not want to get back in the car.  I did end up making it home that night, but I always think about that night and how I obviously had Angels watching over me. 
Now these two things may not seem like huge What ifs to you.  I know people have lost loved ones, had houses burn down, and other things I can not imagine.  But, they are things that we can make it thru.  We can overcome.  What good does it do for us to live in the What If?  God can help us overcome.  When I think of that I have two versus that come to mind.  I am sure there are better ones, but this is what came to my mind. 
Matthew 18:18-19"I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. "Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.

Matthew 21:21
Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, `Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done.

I am so thankful I still have my Lauren and Janel with me today.  But I also know, if anything happens to me or them, they have a seat waiting for them in heaven.

Our adoption story

Let me start of by saying, I am a Christian.  So just about every post I write will have Christ throughout it because he is a big part of my life and he is the reason I have JOY, pure JOY, not that crap others call happiness.  (Yes, there is a difference.  Happiness is something you experience from getting or doing something, Joy is just a part of who you are becasue of Christ.)  OK, now on to my story....
Cody and Bobby are my sons.  They are 22 and 20.  Jason and I adopted them at the ages of 13 and 16.  This is a long story but many ask how it came to be that we chose to adopt teenagers. (Yes, crazy, who gets along with their own tennagers, much less adopting two that did not grow up with us?)  I always felt I wanted to adopt and since we already had two girls, I wanted boys and was scared to have another child and it not be a boy.  So, Jason and I talked about adopting a boy around the age of 6 or 7.  Jentri had just been born and I was witnessing at the Tulsa State Fair with a teenager from our youth group.  We came across the section for "Waiting Child" (A program the local news station does for children in foster care).  There was a picture of these two boys that stood out to me and the teenager that was with me was like, "Hey, I know them. They used to go to our school."  This interested me and I asked questions, but never really thought about it again except for the fact that I did want to start classes to adopt.  These two boys where actually from our small town and had attended school here for several years.  (All of this took place at the beginning of October 2004)  Jason and I started adoption classes that November and had finished that January.  During this time a friend had heard we where taking adoption classes and actually mentioned Cody and Bobby.  I was like cool, but my husband would never adopt teenagers, and def. not two.  So, again, forgot about them and continued on with out search.  After several months of not hearing anything from DHS. (Not a single thing, how is that when there are so many kids looking for homes out there?  and I know our home is a good one.)  I called our social worker and she told us it would be good for us if we went to an adoption party.  The next one was in July.  So, we signed up.  The night before the adoption party, we rented a hotel in Tulsa and let the girls swim and loaded up the next morning to go to the party.  I swear, the first thing they had us do was pull out the folders of all the children that would be there that day and gave us inserts of children that decided to come at the last minute.  Guess whos picture was on the very top,  That's right, Cody and Bobby.  I walked right up to my social worker and told her I wanted to meet these two boys.  Not that we wanted to adopt them but just to let them know people from our town are thinking of them.  As soon as we met them, I felt protective of them.  Jason and I spent the majority of our time with them and when other couples would come up to them I felt jealous.  Like, get away from them, they are mine.  (I know, wierd, huh?)  That night, I went home and wrote in my diary about them.  And then about a week later, I wrote again.  I could not stop thinking about these boys.  Butm I never thought Jason would go for it.  So finally one night, I felt God speak to me and tell me to say something to Jason.  So, I did. Me: "Jason" Jason: Yes"  Me: "Remember those two boys from the adoption party..." Jason: "Me too"  Me: "What are we going to do about it?" Jason: "Call in the morning and see where they are and what is going on"  Really?  I was so shocked.  I got up the next morning and stared at the clock till it said 8:00.  I called our social worker and asked her to find out what was gong on with them.  She called back about an hour later and said they where in a boys home in Pawhuska.  She asked if we really wanted them to visit and I said yes.  Great, they where out of school for a holiday Friday and they wanted to know if they could call thet evening and talk to us.  Wow, really, ok.  The boys called that night and we talked and I found out they where actually out of school Thursday too.  They wanted to know if they could come over Wed. after school.  Well, if it is ok with the social worker, why not.  Social worker is ok with it, so the plan was I would pick them up Wed. after school and take them back Sunday.  (Keep in mind, DHS does not normally work this way but they where older and so they do things a little different and can offer special circumstances.)  Jason was not going to be home much this week or weekend because he was really busy at work this time.  I wa a little upset with him that he was not going to spend much time with us but we would get what we could.  Wed. comes and I have not heard from Jason yet, I am ready to pick up the boys and I get a call.  Jason has been in a very very bad accident and he may lose his leg, but he wants me to go get the boys still, his mother is on her way to the hospital and I should not worry about him.  (This is the nurse telling me this)  I am so torn about what to do at this point.  I pray about it and feel like God has told me Jason will be ok and to go get the boys.  I drive the hour and 20 minutes to Pawhuska and walk into the boys home. Here are Cody and Bobby, already hugging Jentri and Janel and ready to go.  As we are driving home I tell them about Jason and ask Cody if he has his permit yet.  He says yes, so I let him drive the rest of the way home so I can make some calls.  Jason is going to get to come home but he has to stay off of his leg and needs to stay laying down. (See what happens when you put off what god wants you to do. LOL  He made Jason spend even more time with us)  So the boys got to stay with us for a full four days and Jason was there the whole time.  Sunday came and I am supposed to take them back.  But, my motherly instinct kicks in and I just can not.  I call my socail worker on her emergency number and tell her I amnot taking them back. They want to stay and we want them too.  Are you sure, she asks, Yes, we are.  She says she will see if she can get an emergency stay thru Monday till we can see what can be done.  Whew.  I will not have to go to jail on kidnapping charges.  Monday comes and social worker calls.  Again, Are you sure you want to do this, YES, we are sure.  By that Thursday we where driving to Pawhuaka to get all of their things packed in my truck and checking them into school.  This was in September (almost a year since the fair)  and in January, their adoption was finalized.  They where mine.  Now, things have not been all peechy and wonderful since then.  But, I have taken enough of your time for now.  I will tell some of those stories at a later time.  This is how Gods plans always get achieved though.  He had this planted in my mind for a year.  Something I never thought i would do, was done.  Whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.  colossians 3:17

Wilderness Trip intro.

As I sit here with my coffee, fried eggs and baby on my lap, I thought it would be a great time to explain the wilderness trip I am goin on in July. (Oh, wait, Jaycee needs the dog in her lap.  This post is going to take longer than normal.) Ok, back to the wilderness trip. (I get easily disstracted people.) In July I will be a sponsor for a youth group going to colorado for a week long wilderness hike/Find yourself/get closer with God trip.  I am the only female sponsor going with a couple males sponsors.  As of now there are 7 girls and 3 boys signed up. (I just thought I had seen cry fest before)  We will be hiking a in the wilderness, no trail, solely led by the teans. (In other words, we will be lost in the wilderness) for 3 days.  No toilet paper, no toothpaste, no hair products, makeup, pop, sugar.  They also have to cook their own food. (I have a feeling I am going to lose some weight on this trip) After that we will do some repeling down a mountain and the teens will have to spend a full 24 hours in 11 mile canyon by themselves with no food.  Only water, a bible, paper and their sleeping bag.  (NO TENT) Glad I am no longer a teen.  hehe  After that we will float the royal gorge and then spend a night in a cabin only to head home.  So my thoughts are not surrounded on the fact I will not be able to bring toilet paper but on what food I want to carry to hide for myself.  HA  I am already thinking of what to pack and I am thinking I might try and wear the same clothes for the whole three days.  Of course, I will bring a change just in case I rip my pants. (sorry JJ, my visions of me on facebook with a whole in the butt of my pants are not comforting.)  And then, the second dilema.  I am very very very afraid of heights.  This is something I have started praying about now.  I want to overcome this while I am there.  I want to repel, but I also have tried it before on a leadership thing and I could not do it.  If someone can just push me off the cliff....throw me....carry me....anything but me having to go to the edge of the mountain and look over and then crawl over.  Oh, and last, but I am sure not least, coffee.  I love my coffee with creamer and sugar in the mroning.  Oh, no, not an addiction, ok, maybe a little.  (That song, I will survive plays in my head as I write this.)  So now, let's talk about how freaked out the kids are.  The girls are already griping.  LOL  I think they will do wonderful if we can get them there.  I see this as a great opportunity for them to realize they can do things on their own and not need soemone there to guide them along every step of the way.  It will also be a great time of having no distractions (no cell phones, pagers, tape, I mean CD, I mean Ipods.)  to really get closer with God.  I also am excited about the time my father and I will get to spend with each other.  To end this, all I ask form you is to start prayhing for the kids that will be going and for myself and the other sponsors.  Pray that decisions will be made for God and that I can be a good role model and have the right encouraging words to say when needed. (I am not a very nurturing person, I need to work on this.)  I will write another blog after our meeting in Feb. (OK, another blog about the wilderness trip, you know your going to hear from me about something else before then.)  Put them in mind to be subject to principalities and powers, to obey magistrates, to be ready to every good work. Titus 3:1

What is this thing called blog and why do I want to do it?

I have always wanted to try and do a blog.  Now I actually have something worth blogging about.  I am about to embark on a wilderness trip in July and thought it might be nice to express my thoughts and feelings before and after doing the trip.  I also just like to impose my opinions on others and so what better way to do it?  I think faster than I type so you may often find typos and errors.  I don't really care so no need for you to point it out.  This is supposed to be my place, right?  Don't like, don't read.  Harsh, but true.  A little about me.  I am blessed to have 5 children, 3 girls and 2 boys.  My husband and I adopted the two boys when they where 13 and 16.  They are now 20 and 23.  Time sure flies.  Our youngest daughter is 20 months and we have a 6 year old and a soon to be 8 year old (FEB. 14th)  I will probably tell silly stories here about them as they make me laugh on a daily basis.  Life is very dramatic when you have 3 girls.  I love to work out and teach classes at a gym locally.  I love to read when I get the chance and just finished the Hunger Games series.  (I highly reccomend)  I love photography and have been known to take wedding and senior photos but mostly enjoy taking pictures of my children.  Not really wanting it to be a full time thing as I enjoy my weekends far too much.  I love love love the summer and would live on a boat at the lake if I could.  I do not watch much T.V. as I enjoy far too many other hobbies that I do not have time for it.  But I do like The Biggest Loser and Two and a Half Men.  I enjoy making hair bows (I have three girls, remember?)  and scrapbooking.  I would not call myself crafty but others might disagree.  I am a girl scout leader and have been for three years.  (cookies go on sale the 11th)  I also enjoy my church and visiting with those that are homebound.  I love to cook and try new recipes at least once a week. (Yes, at times I will post recipes.)  Is this a lot to write for a first blog?  hmmmm  I could go on but for right now, let's just see how this thing works.